that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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