and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
