She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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