He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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