and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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