I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
