Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Who wears a wallet chain?!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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