I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize