Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
