Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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