I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
