When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Congratulations! We have a period
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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