Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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