I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Even my vagina gasped.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
