piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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