id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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