just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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