How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
