sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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