just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
