My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
