i barfeds in our rink
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
