suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
