Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
