We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
