that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
