Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday

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(334): View more from Alabama

you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway

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(757): View more from Virginia

We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.

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(+93): View more from

5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...

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(613): View more from Ontario

Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.

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(752): View more from California

My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?

(1-752): View more from California

"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work

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