Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
