First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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