Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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