We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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