You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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