matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is Oprah even human
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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