Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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