you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
