i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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