I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
