how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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