You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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