yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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