Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
