i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
