I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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