Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
