apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
