so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
