Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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