I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
