didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm getting married
To pizza
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
