shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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