I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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