i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
