nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
