Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.