Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.