Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I stole a fireplace last night.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar