I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.