I can text with my tongue
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.