Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
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No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.