God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.