I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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