I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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