Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
