turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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