Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
