My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I want her autograph on my taint
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
