So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity