You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.