i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.